Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
