all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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