I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
