i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
