I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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