mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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