Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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