her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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