I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
