I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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