She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
