Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
