Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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