He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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