just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
