also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Randomize
