i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I have fence marks all over my body
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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