Kareoke will never be a sober sport
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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