Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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