Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
A bitchslap is in order.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
