I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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