so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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