Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So apparently I’m into choking now
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