so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
