Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You are the jesus of drinking
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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