i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
