Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
What a dumb baby whore.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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