Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
