Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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