can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
