Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I could fuck to npr.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
