if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
