finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
