You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
