when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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