Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
