Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
false alarm, still single
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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