I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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