Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
