So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
