hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
