I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
