Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
