Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
