I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
