I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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