Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I need a beard to bite.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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