Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
honey bunches of taint.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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