At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
