literally had 100 drinks last night.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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